BIFF Responses: Dealing with High Conflict People | by Erik Oliver | Medium
BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, and firm). A BIFF response is a mechanism for responding more effectively with to high conflict people (HCP) in your life.
BIFF pdf summary
Here is the formatted text, organized using the BIFF Response® method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) outlined in the document:
A strategy designed to calm hostile conversations with high-conflict persons.
B— BriefResponses should be very short, usually 2–5 sentences, regardless of how long the original communication was. This leaves less for the other person to react to.
I— InformativeMake sure what you convey is straight, useful, and factual rather than emotions and opinions. You don’t need to defend yourself. It’s not about you—it’s about their inability to manage their emotions and responses.
F— Friendly Start and/or end with a friendly commen
t (e.g., "Thank you for your email..." or "I hope you have a nice weekend."). This avoids feeding hostility and may calm the situation. F— FirmThe goal is to end the conversation and disengage. If needed, give clear and limited choices or set a firm reply-by date.
coaching_for_a_biff_response_bill_eddy_2012.pdf
A BIFF Response is a communication method designed to calm hostile conversations and deal with high-conflict people (HCPs). BIFF stands for:
Brief: Keeping the message short to minimize targets for further conflict.
Informative: Sticking strictly to relevant facts without emotional commentary.
Friendly: Maintaining a polite, non-defensive tone.
Firm: Setting clear boundaries or ending the conversation effectively without opening room for debate.
The 10 Coaching Questions
When helping a client draft or refine a BIFF response, coaches should guide the client through ten specific self-analysis questions rather than immediately imposing corrections:
- Is it Brief?
- Is it Informative?
- Is it Friendly?
- Is it Firm?
- Does it contain any Advice?
- Does it contain any Admonishments?
- Does it contain any Apologies?
- How do you think the other person will respond?
- Is there anything you would take out, add, or change?
- Would you like to hear my thoughts about it?
Avoid the "Triple A's"
Coaches should help clients eliminate three common pitfalls that trigger defensive or hostile reactions:
Advice: Telling the other person how to behave or solve a problem (unless explicitly asked).
Admonishments: Lecturing, criticizing, or speaking like a parent correcting a child.
Apologies: Offering unnecessary apologies for substantive issues, which high-conflict individuals often use as ammunition to shift blame.
Key Coaching Best Practices
Empower the Client: Because writers dealing with high-conflict people often feel vulnerable, coaches should avoid immediate criticism. The goal is to teach clients self-analysis skills so they can write effective responses on their own.
Tentative Feedback: When providing thoughts (Question #10), suggestions should be offered gently and tentatively (e.g., "You might try saying..."), allowing the client to maintain ownership over their final response.
